EzraGardener.net

Self-image directly ties into every area of a person’s life, and having an in-depth understanding of it will empower one to make more conscious choices for change. Our self-images, in my opinion, revolves more around how we view ourselves and how others view us, while self-worth is more about our worthiness for the things we want out of life. With this being said, our self-image has a direct impact on our reactions to the world around us, and the results we manifest because of that. Personally, I’ve come to find that thoroughly cracking open the inner workings of our minds’ self-image is a big key to making life more enjoyable.

What exactly is self-image?
In my opinion, self-image is a combination of how someone sees himself, and how he feels other people see him. The self-image will dictate how a person responds to any given situation. A person with a self-image of weakness will respond much differently than a person with a self-image of courage.

For most people self-image ends up being a combination of what they come to think of themselves through a series of life events. They have allowed their self-image to be cultivated, by default, by life. This spells trouble for people who come from troubled backgrounds. However, self-image can be changed through conscious choices. Some people think like this: “ Well I’ve always been this way, and my parents said I was this way, and my friends did as well. So I guess I’ll always be this way.” That’s bad thinking. Luckily, people who have risen to the top understand that self-image is in the palm of their hands, waiting to be shaped any way that they please. Here’s what some of them have to say:

We are what we believe we are. -Benjamin N. Cardozo

It’s not what you are that holds you back, it’s what you think you are not. -Denis Waitley

What a man thinks of himself, that it is which determines, or rather indicates, his fate. -Henry David Thoreau

From this point forward, if you don’t already do so, think of your self-image as something you create. This will bring a lot of the power back to where it belongs — with you! Once the power is back with you, change can be initiated.

Who we are is something we have complete control over. If we don’t dictate who we are someone or something else will. -Ezra Gardener

Self-image vs. self-worth, & world beliefs
In a previous article, I talked about the importance of having high self-worth, because with that we make ourselves worthy to receive the love we are looking for out of life. This worthiness can often be enough to achieve most anything a person sets his mind to. The idea of cultivating self-image however, takes it much deeper. One soon realizes that self-worth is simply an aspect of one’s self-image. When a person’s self-image is cultivated properly, they can achieve a great deal of their desires far more effortlessly. Why? Because our self-image causes us all to react to the world differently. Just as our thoughts create the world around us, as I talked about in “Thoughts are Everything,” they also create our self-image and how we respond to that created world. ( Ah. Very tricky huh? )

So, if I could oversimplify how a person’s current reality (his current set of life circumstances) is made up I would first say that it consisted of his beliefs on who he is, that is his self-image and self-worth. Secondly, I would say that his reality consists of his beliefs on how the world is. I don’t really know which one would come first — the world beliefs or self beliefs. It’s kind of like trying to guess if the chicken came first before the egg. Anyway, a person ends up being met with a set of circumstances as a result of his world beliefs, and based on what he thinks of himself is how he will respond. ( Which I will discuss in more detail in just a moment.) Depending on how that person responds will determine his end result, or what some would call manifestation. Check out the diagram below:

I find all of this very interesting because depending on your point of view, you can achieve life changes by either changing your beliefs about the world or changing your beliefs about yourself! Either way you’ll get positive change. Personally, I think it’s best to change both, but it’s not necessary to change both in order to invoke life changes. I recommend doing what always feels best to you. For the time being I’m going to stick to talking about self-image since this is the topic for this article. I just thought I’d throw the concept of “world beliefs” in here for all you deep thinkers.

Reacting to the world around us
Self-image plays a critical part on how we react to the circumstances of our life. Two people can be presented with the exact same situation and have completely different responses. They can even have access to the same set of resources and still have different reactions and thus different manifestations all together. Let’s take a look at this scenario:

You have two men. Chris and Jack. Both of them are multi-millionaires, running big time real estate businesses. Let’s say these two both start facing a major recession. ( Which is pretty realistic as of Dec. 2008 during which this article is being posted. ) The housing market which once seemed like such a cash cow has now turned into a money sink which will drain away even the best businesses. Now remember both of these guys are multimillionaires. They have access to the same resources. Chris has always felt that he was never a creative individual. He always figured himself to be a simplistic type of person. His self-image was that of a conservative and bare bones, basic type of guy. Because of this, when faced with the recession Chris reacted with a simple plan of action which was to sell some of his properties and ride it out. On the other hand, Jack has always felt that he was a resourceful individual. He felt that he was very creative. His self-image was that of an opportunist and deal-finder. Because of this, when faced with the rescession, Jack reacted by finding properties that were selling for steals because of the down market, and holding them until they eventually went back up in price.

In the end, once the recession was over Chris ended up still being a successful millionaire with his strategy. He played it safe and ended up being safe. Jack however became a billionaire due to his strategy. He played it through seeking opportunity and found it. All the houses he brought for dirt cheap soared in value after the recession was over.

As you may have already guessed from the scenario that two people with the same set of resources on the outside can have very different results due to their self-images. Their world beliefs present them with a set of circumstances and they respond to it in two completely different ways. You see this in the world we live in on a daily basis. You see it in other businesses, people’s love lives, friendships and even spirituality! There is absolutely nothing wrong with how Chris choose to react to the circumstances life presented him. He was simply doing what felt right to him at the time. ( Something I always strongly advise everyone to do. ) Likewise, Jack simply did what felt right to him. I usually don’t recommend working on your self-image while in the midst of a situation as that situation may require an immediate remedy. However, sometimes it’s a good idea. It’s up too you. I’m going to discuss how to consciously make changes to one’s self-image a bit later.

You define yourself
I’ve seen a lot of intelligent people fall victim to the opinion of others. I myself was also once a victim to it long ago in my teens. It’s something that can be easy to do if you have a people pleasing attitude. I’m not saying that you should become a jerk and lose your loving heart.  Just don’t take people’s opinions of you into consideration if it’s not constructive, and if it doesn’t feel right to you. One person may find you annoying, while another person absolutely adores you. It’s really important to take the good opinion of others when you really feel like it’s serving your highest good. Otherwise you will be living at the mercy of other people’s wishes for you and your life, and not your own. I’m not the only one who thinks this way. Take a look at what these other great minds have to say:

“Someone’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality.”~ Les Brown

“Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.”~ Golda Meir

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”~ Eleanor Roosevelt

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

All of the quotes listed above are from people from different walks of life who achieved a great deal of success. They realized that what the world thought of them did not have to be taken into consideration, especially when it came down to how they viewed themselves. It sounds somewhat maniacal at first blush, but is it really? Is there anything wrong with thinking of ourselves as creative, funny, magnificent or anything else we consciously choose to think? Absolutely not. People who truly love you will accept the vision you have of yourself and not force their version upon you.

You have the resources
Remember when we talked about Chris & Jack? Two men with millions and the same resources both got entirely different results because of their self-images. Well guess what? All of us are like Chris and Jack. We all have the exact same resources at our disposal. (That is if you are mentally all there, but I’ve seen even people with disabilities rise to success. ) Now I know some of you are thinking, “Whoa. What is Ezra talking about?! I don’t have the same resources as a multimillionaire!” I beg to differ, however. Why? Because we all have a MIND. Yes, that’s right. We all have the ability to think and make choices, and through these choices make changes to our lives. Those who have had rags to riches stories changed their self-images. They started to believe that they were genius people. Because of this they responded to the world around them as if they were geniuses. The answer sounds so simple and believe me it really is.

I realize that some of you may need further convincing and that’s OK! When I was first introduced to this concept I was somewhat skeptical myself, but here’s the cold hard truth that has scientific backing behind it:

Science has proven that 99.9% of our DNA is exactly the same from person to person. The other 1% expresses itself as different eye color, skin color, hair and nails and everything else.

I find this to be profound. On the surface, human beings may appear to be born with different resources, but this is untrue. Anyone who has become a major success knows that they were able to tap into a power from within. This power is something everyone has. It’s encoded in the other 99.9% of our DNA, and everyone has access to it. It’s only a matter of how much a person believes they have it.

How much you think of yourself vs. what others think
I’ve always found that it’s best to balance out what you think of yourself vs. what others think of you. A person’s self-image should be in the ball park of 90% their idea and 10% someone else‘s. That’s a balanced self-image, in my opinion. If someone takes the opinions of other people too much, then they will end up losing who they really are. There have been some celebrities who have done this. I won’t mention their names but we all know who they are. Not living life for ourselves leads to depression, and living life entirely for ourselves also leads to depression.

Earlier in the article I talked about how I saw a lot of intelligent people fall victim to the opinions of others. I want to reinforce that by making it clear that you must choose wisely whose opinion you let matter to you, even when it comes to your own family. Learn to hear what others have to say and not necessarily take their words as the be all end all. Often times people are simply expressing their point of view, but keep in mind that people often times interpret things very differently. You’re almost always better off following the beat of your own drum. Know that there are people out there who like the person you are or who your becoming. For the times that you keep running into a particular life situation or problem with everybody, then you may want to make a change if it feels right for you to do so. Remember: only take steps to change when it feels right to you. Trying to force change upon yourself won’t work unless you are genuinely in a place that is accepting of it.

Everyone loves feeling special
Individuality is a very important aspect of self-image. It’s actually an essential aspect for a healthy self-image, in my opinion. Through this individuality we express our creative sides. Even people who claim not to be anything special still desire this. If you watch them closely, they too, like to have something about them that makes them unique. Even if that uniqueness is something undesirable. This allows us to feel unique and important in some kind of way. It’s like our own way of being “a big deal” in our reality. Tony Robbins is a world renowned speaker and in much of his material he talks about the human need for “significance.” He explains the importance of what it means to feel a sense of uniqueness. Even if it seems like it shouldn’t be important, it is very important. In his book “Unleash The Power From Within” he says:

“Deep down, we all want to be important. We want our life to have meaning and significance. I can imagine no worse a death than to think my life didn’t matter.” -Tony Robbins

It’s very important that this is understood early on when working on self-image because through this a lot of progress can be made. Knowing this fact about yourself will make it easier for you to make headway in life because you know why your doing it. Yeah, it might seem like it’s a crock of crap, allowing yourself to feel special and unique, but who wants to be the same? And feeling special is not the same thing as being cocky. Cocky is when a person thinks they are better than someone else. Saying you are special is not saying you are better. It’s simply saying that you are unique, not less-than or greater-than. Just unique!

Self-image as a divine FACT
A very powerful way of fortifying your self-image is by making it a divine fact instead of basing it on something outside yourself. So, instead of basing your self-image on the possessions you have and the people you associate with, try making it into a statement that just IS. Just like the sun burns bright, you are a wonderful person, a successful person or whatever else you‘d like to paint yourself. This turns your whole idea of yourself into an invincible fact that is free from anything that could possibly ever take place outside of yourself. This will also cause you to have deep sense of inner-peace when going through life.

“I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time.”~ Anna Freud

I couldn’t agree more with Anna Freud. I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing to look at our achievements here and there to give us a quick pick-me-up, but I wouldn’t use it as a crutch. A strong and confident self-image comes from a much deeper place. It’s easy to look at what we’ve already done in the past to try and strengthen our self-image but sometimes that doesn’t cut it.

This can be a difficult thing for some people to grasp. It can be easy to think that what we have, who we associate with, and what we have done defines us. The problem with this is once those things become threatened, we go through extreme pain. The human mind experiences this suffering because it’s attached its identity to the object outside of itself. When it starts to fade, the human mind feels as if it’s losing a limb. For many this causes a great deal of needless suffering. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying not to strive to have wonderful people, possessions and accomplishments in your life. All of those things are wonderful to have, and they are something I enjoy on a daily basis. I’m saying don’t attach your identity to those things. Once a person’s identity is attached to something outside of themselves than they are vulnerable to the fear of losing it. Instead appreciate all you are surrounded by, all that you have gained, and make your self-image something that is sacred — something that will always be, and something only you have control over.

How to cultivate your self-image
So we’ve discussed the ins and outs of self-image. Honestly, I feel like I could write a whole book on it, and maybe I will one day. We could go so much more in-depth on this topic, but it’s all a journey and there are lots of respectable authors out there who have written great books about this topic.

Here are some simple, yet highly effective steps you can take to really cultivate your self-image:

Step #1 Get clear! Give yourself a week, month or maybe even longer to really think about who it is you want to be, how you want to come across, how you’d like to feel, and most of all why you want to experience all of this. This will give you a general direction of where you want to go. I highly suggest writing it down for a point of reference.

Step #2 Affirm it! Once you’ve figured out your self-image, start feeding yourself affirmations. If you’re creating a self-image that is witty and funny, then tell yourself everyday with an affirmation like, “I am the funniest, and wittiest person I know!” Maybe your working on creating a self-image of charisma. You’d use an affirmation like, “I am so charismatic. Everyone gravitates towards me.” Say these affirmations all the time in your head when you can. After a while, your mind will start to believe it and then your “mental state” will change. You will act like a charismatic person or a funny person. When the situation calls for it you will respond based upon the self-image you created. Before you might not have responded this way, but since your mind is holding you in a different view, you then will respond based upon that viewpoint. You will probably be shocked by this at first, as it will most likely occur as an automatic response.

Step #3 Flock with the right people. Make sure you only hang out with people who reinforce the type of image you want for yourself. Don’t hang around people who make you feel like anything other than the image you are making for yourself. You may find that many people you know will embrace and even love the change. Some may not, and some may eventually come to like it. You may find you have to break free from people who are reinforcing a toxic self-image. Do what feels right to you! Keep in mind that a butterfly doesn’t hangout with caterpillars when it transforms into a butterfly, and birds of a feather will always flock together. Hang out with people who have the self-image you’re striving for, or at least people who provoke that image from you!

Step #4 Tend to your living space. Have a living environment that is conducive to your self-image.  If you’re attempting to have the self-image of a bright and happy person, you wouldn’t want dark colors painted in your house. You’d want bright colors. The same goes for someone creating the self-image of a successful and creative type of person. This person should have things that point to winning. Images of success, motivation and people working together should be in this person’s living space. Having the right environment is just as important as step #3. We spend a lot of time in our home and work so it’s important to make sure that it’s reminding us of who we are. ( Especially when it’s a positive self-image! ) These images will constantly send subtle signals to the brain that will keep us in check.

Step #5 Let the past go. If you want to pick up a lot of momentum in the process of recreating yourself than make sure you let go of the past. The past is not who you are. The past is the past. Who you are right now is important. What you’re doing in the here and now is what is mattering the most, not what you did years ago, months ago, or even seconds ago. Just right now! I’ve seen so many people hung up on the past. The past is an “object” and as I stated previously, it’s not good to define yourself by circumstances such achievements or losses that have taken place. It’s best to keep your self-image as a timeless and deep knowing — something that you can change whenever you’re dang ready to, something unaffected by the outside world.

Step #6 Remember step #1 and step #3. I’m mentioning this because those two are very powerful steps. Those two alone can change your self-image for the better, permanently and very fast. If you can remember these two steps after reading this, you should be able to make a lot of changes in a relatively short amount of time.

We’ve covered a lot of ground on self-image. Self-image ties into almost every aspect of life so I’m very pleased you’ve taken an interest. As you’ve already come to find, it revolves entirely on how we view ourselves, and all those who have risen to the heights of success agree. I implore you to keep cracking open your self-image as it will lead to very significant and permanent changes. If this is something that you’re really interested in,  I recommended you continue reading more of EzraGardener.net as well as other people’s material. Tony Robbins is a great author and motivational speaker, to start with. There is a lot of great information out there. Just always remember that your self-image is up to you. When you feel like it’s being threatened or you want to change it here and there keep that in mind. Self-image is important, however most important to remember, is it’s in your control at all times.